Just here to help

I cannot tell you the number of letters, emails and dirty phone messages i get from desperate readers needing help with avoiding bear attacks. Since this is quickly rising to the state of national panic, i feel i should address this issue once and for all. Thanks to the NPCA (national parks conservation association) for supplying several tips we can all use, not just in instances of bear attacks, but in our everyday lives as well.

The NPCA recommends: Always make your presence known. Avoid surprising a bear. Make plenty of noise near dense vegetation or areas of limited visibility.

What could be louder than this???





Another Tip: Carry pepper spray and keep it within easy reach. Know how to use it.
Unsure how to integrate pepper spray into an outfit while still looking sharp??



The puffs and pouches of this skirt mean you can carry enough pepper spray for the entire girl scout troop with ease!

Now nothing will bring a bear a running like the scent of food. Duh! so lets just be extra cautious and avoid eating all together. lets call this the safety diet.

Now if the bear is even attracted to the smell of your hours old toothpaste and makes a pass. let's remember
# If the bear continues to approach you, it is most likely trying to identify what you are. Remain calm. A standing bear is usually curious, not threatening.
# Identify yourself by talking in a normal voice.

for easy id, just clip this onto a homemade lanyard just in case you are scared speechless by large furry wildlife. dont want a case of the wrong identity ending in your death.




If you happen to run into one of those ignorant illeterate backcountry bears um well it was nice knowing you.

So if you are still alive at this point but see the bear getting that special gleam in its eye that says, "you look tasty" the next step is aggression and intimidation. wave you arms, raise your voice and try and look bigger than you are.



This jacket does double duty. Not only does it put untold bulk on you body without compromising the safety diet, it is also so damn hideous it will be sure to throw you into a total hysterical screaming fit.

Now if you happen to notice that the bear coming at you is a black bear(you can tell this by all the black fur it is covered in) i swear to god the NPCA says "to fight back vigorously. Throw stones."
If you havent already done so definitely hurl these at it fast and furiously!



With this bear unfriendly attire, all your future hikes and zoo trips are sure to go like gangbusters!
A big thank you goes out to the NPCA for all their helpful tips
and to Nordstrom.com for providing our wilderness outfit