Struck Dumb

There is nothing that makes you feel as useless and stupid as training. Why am i here? i have no clue. I still cannot grasp my job description but as if that matters when i have yet to get a security badge, computer login or passwords. I know that by the time all that is taken care of and it is time for me to actually work, all these hours of training will have fled my sore little head. Isn't that always the way? And on top of 6 hours of training today i have homework!!! Time to pick a health plan pick out doctors and pick a dentist and decide on my retirement plan. Jesus Christ I have not had health coverage since college. What the fuck do i know about hospitals anymore??? i have my health so i have everything right?!?! why does the first day of work make me wish to be unemployed again. I need a vacation!

Under Pressure

T-2 days to new job and that means I need to run around and cram all the shit errands I have been putting off for the past month into one day. I am off to an awesome start by still being home and sloppy at 10:30. Instead of doing laundry, I went out and bought 3 pairs of pants and a skirt yesterday. Instead of getting a huge bottle of aspirin for the office I spent half an hour looking at belts at Target. Instead of making an appointment at the DMV I have been planning dinners with friends and outings with my mom. Instead of being worried about job skills and references I have been debating which shoes go with which shirt the best. So you see how I have just been too busy being well ME to handle any of this stuff. Since I know you are all salivating for some important Laura news-- I went to the 49ers Titans preseason game on Friday. I was too distracted by the amount of crap that Ryan ate at the stadium to watch anything happening on the field. Oh wait that is a lie I was totally enraptured by the pee wee football players during halftime. Too freakin cute. On Saturday I got to take carol around on errands and make her bruschetta, what fun for me! My mommy took me out to dinner along with Robin and Carol and we gourged ourselves at Mandarin Gourmet. Lets here it for 5 meat dinner!! Dooo Wahhh Diddy Diddy dum Diddy Dooo. (sorry I think carol is the only one who will get that joke). And then we hopped over to Campbell for a little get together for Alex's bday. I was way tired from my four hour nap so I didn't make it past 11. I think it was also the bad funk cover band was just killing the joy inside of me. On Sunday, Kt and I did a marathon shopping spree at Valley Fair. It was awesomely fun to spend money like I had it for a change. Which reminds me. My condolences go out to Katie for having to return to work today at the water district. Summer vacation is over. Well not to worry, since I now have my own office look forward to more frequent and witty blog entries from yours truly. I cannot wait to see how much im-ing, web browsing, coffee breaks, walks around the sun campus, blog updates, online shopping I can get away with.

Equilibrium

Funny how the universe balances itself out. A big WELCOME HOME goes out to ROBIN!!! And a Bon Voyage for REGINA. Saturday was so fun. I martha stewarded up a dinner feast for Regina. Thank you so so much Katie for all your help and assistance. And Peter gets a shiny new black cap for chaffering around for groceries. I am ODed on Parmesan anything for about a month but it was worth it. No guts no glory when it comes to cooking. I got the greatest pair of boots yesterday. DSW is such a gem sometimes. But it is more a miracle that my calves are small enough to fit into them. See good things do come of not working out in months and months.

Long time no see

Before we delve into the illicit secrets of my past week. I have been remiss with some friends' special days. A massively huge HAPPY BIRTHDAY REGINA!!!! and Buon Compleanno Stefania!! All right then from front to back here is what i have been upto lately. My mommy drove me to the library today and if i am good and help her with her ineptness at the internet i get Mcdonalds later. SWWWEeeeeeeeeeet! Yesterday I was hanging out with Ryan. We watched the first Transporter (which really really really sucked a huge ass hole) in order to be prepared for the next one. I dont know why but i am totally compelled to see it still.
Oh what am i saying look at him he is Beautiful. Tuesday i was at the San francisco Cnservatory of FLowers with Katie. It was really cool. They have soo many awesome types of orchids there. I took some pics on my phone and of course they didnt turn out that well. But i tried. I really did. We did a little shopping at Union square. I got a banana top for a mere 13 bucks (soo cute i think i am going to wear it to dinner tonight). Oh i am running out of time on my lil library comp. But really quickly any Boy Meets World fans an informant (ryan) has let slip that Ben savage is staying at the Los Gatos inn while filming a movie.

Hindsight

Who wants a recap of my weekend? Who does? You do?!!? Well okay then. Thurs was crap Fri was crap Sat was luke warm and Sun was crap. Okay i am lying a little bit here. Saturday was pretty cool actually. Carol and I went and saw March of the Penguins. Cute but seriously penguins are not that interesting after the first half hour. I also went out with jennifer which was awesome. It didnt help that i had a few beers at a gathering with jimmy so when i went to put on my make-up i looked way more fucked up than normal. Which seemed to be the theme of the evening especially when i gathered up all my nerve and went into to Toons. I wish marlon had warned us about the displays of tight and contrived flesh in the back room. Some rigged bikini contest was going on. What a car wreck! Hard to be jealous of such perfect bodies when they come with such barf faces. HAHAHAHA i said barf i think i still have junior high regression syndrome from "hanging out at the mall" with kt on sunday. So funny how old we are and we still flock to the malls to see and be seen. We had such a good time playing at Sephora. I do love no-money fun somedays. I have a crush on some Cargo eyeshadows now. Carol and i shanghied our mom for dinner sunday too. I love how she "didnt cook" but we ended up with yummy home-made sauce and angel hair pasta. She is crazy great like that.

Screw You Trent

I picked up the new Elle magazone the other day. I was hypnotized by the sheer enormity of this issue and therefore was too weak to pass it by. While i am not a Jennifer Lopez fan, I really really liked her hair in this issue. Curly Like mine but way Shorter. I am even considering a counseling session with Janessa to see if i can rock this look. http://www.elle.com/article.asp?section_id=35&article_id=6912 However my glee over finding a possible super cool super do-able hairstyle was rained upon by one of my favorite star bloggers. trent you are a fat nosed bitch and i hate your guts now. He totally insulted my new hairstyle. http://trent.blogspot.com/ Thank god i do not hold a grudge or i would never ever ever read his shit again. Time for a PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT!!! It is ANT season so stock up on RAID and other toxic chemicals to kill these little beasties. SHOW NO MERCY! Ants suck! and it is not okay to save pizza that has been crawling in the lil fuckers (PETER LISTEN UP!!!)
And if you are wondering about all the cursing today it is because i am at the library and I get a certain satisfaction from foul-mouth typing when i am stiffled by Shhhhhhh! Quiet and NO CELL PHONE signs all around me. (Bitch fuck-face shit shit Crap fest Bastard Wench Ho bag!!!!) god that was fun. have a good weekend everybody.

4 a.m pizza

There is no greater comfort for when you cannot sleep late late at night and the three blisters on your little toe are throbbing. And how would you get so many blisters on one toe you ask? An excellent place to start is by wearing an old pair of misshappen high heels and step two is go dancing for 8 hours. While my salsa experience is limited i feel like a professional now. Not because i picked up the steps or figured out how to spin without stumbling but because in one afternoon i was subjected to the worst pickups in the world. The first was fairly tame but still creepy and uncalled for. A thirty something bouncer stopped me on my way back from the bar and asked me to give him my eyes when i was done with them. Uhhhh how did he think that was going to end? Me gouging them out with a straw and handing them over and us then having sweaty blind sex??? Maybe once i shrug off the mortal coil he will still be around to enjoy them but until them I am keeping my caribbean blues thank you very much. On principle a female must resign herself to the unavoidable dancing with the short, the fat and the old but there is a line and here it is: popping out a fake tooth in order to dive into a girl's cleavage. God i wish i had a natural reflex to hit the elderly because that would have been the perfect time to do it. Alas i just scurried away as fast as my blistering feet could take me. Not even a prostitute would have to put up with that kind of vulgar display and as much of a skank whore as i am -I in no way qualify for the red light. I need to go shower now feeling dirty again.